Category Archives: gentle discipline

Hitting Out of Fear

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 Today is National Spank Out Day, I’m sad to say. In a society where we speak out against the hitting of women, against the hitting of racial minorities, against the hitting of animals, against the hitting and bullying of anyone, there are still a large number of people who think hitting children is perfectly acceptable or even necessary. It boggles my mind.

The thing is, parenting can be scary. We go through pregnancy with the child secure inside its mother’s womb, and then suddenly this little person is on the outside, completely dependent upon….us. Children depend on us for food, shelter, warmth, guidance, and love. It’s a lot to take on. The fact is that while some people who hit their kids really don’t care, most of the parents hitting their children actually love them and do so because they are afraid.

They are afraid….

  • that by not hitting their kids, society will deem them unfit parents.
  • that their children won’t respect them.
  • that their children will be hurt even worse.
  • of losing control.
  • of the pressures of life.
  • of not knowing what to do.
It’s a scary world out there, full of unknowns, but when it comes to parenting, you don’t have to be afraid! Your children come into this world knowing only you. You are everything to them. They look up to you. They love you. They just want to spend time with you and learn with and from you.
Forget about what other people might think. The only people who matter are your kids. Besides, haven’t you heard that you shouldn’t jump off a bridge just because your friends did?
You won’t gain respect by hitting someone. In fact, you will lose it. Hitting a person, especially a smaller person, in order to control them is called bullying.
Hurting your child will not protect them in the future. Helping them navigate life and giving them tools and techniques to deal with life’s situations will.
There are a lot of things in life you can’t control, and that includes other people. Accept it. Deal with it if you need to, and then help your children to learn to control themselves.
Life can be rough, but that idea that your kids are born loving you? Still there. Come home to your kids and remember that no matter how bad life gets, they love you.
If you don’t know what to do, don’t resort to violence. Learn a new way. Learn how to help your children navigate that allowing your hurt to rule your actions.
In the end, no matter why some parents hit, they still make that choice. With every day and every situation, you have the opportunity to choose not  to hit. Your children love you. Live up to that love. Be deserving of the respect they want to show you. Be deserving of the love they freely give.

 photo credit: dhammza via photopin cc

Dealing with Whining Compassionately

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Welcome to the April 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Peaceful Parenting Applied

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children.  We hope you enjoy this month’s posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Peaceful Parenting Applied.

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Chances are, at some point or another, that tone has come out of your childrens’ mouths. You know the one. It’s the whine that grates on your nerves, making you want to pull your head inside your shirt, cover your ears with your hands, or leave. If you don’t deal with the whine, it just gets longer and louder and more, well, whiney. While you may find yourself wanting to walk outside and scream yourself, there are a few easy tips to keep gentle parents gentle at these times.

Don’t take it personally. This may be easier said than done, especially if the whine continues to include your name. Personally, when I begin to hear the “Moooooooom,” it takes on an entirely new level for me. As much as we may feel disrespected or underappreciated during these times, our children’s behaviors are not about us.

Define the cause. If the whining isn’t about us, what exactly is it about? That is the question of your day. You can’t begin to solve a problem if you don’t know what the problem is. Observe the situation. Think about what may be causing this seemingly annoying behavior, and set about making some changes. I know for my kids, whining signals that they are tired. We need to slow down, cut out some things, go for some quiet, easy going activities.

Connect with your kids. Yes, your child is whining and the last thing you may feel like is being around them, but when your children are exhibiting behaviors such as this, it’s a cry for help. They need you. Take a deep breath. Remember how much you love your children, and be there for them. Perhaps doing something with your child will be enough to break them out of their whining ways.

Actively listen. Everyone has bad days sometimes, and often we just need to have someone listen to us on those days. This is a great time to practice active listening so that your children understand that you ar ethere for them and that you really are listening.

Set personal limits for yourself. It’s okay to say that you are reaching your limit and that you would prefer to be spoken to in a normal voice. If you are having difficulty understanding because of the whining, explain that you can’t understand what your child is saying and that you need to know what they are saying in order to help.

Use play and humor. Try bringing a little levity to the situation by playing or using humor. When our children’s voices begin to take on that whining tinge, my husband has a difficult time understanding them. His go to phrase is “Hmmm. I couldn’t really understand what you said, but it kind of sounded like, ‘Daddy, you are the greatest!’” It hasn’t failed him yet. They will either laugh or take a deep breath to speak clearly.

Take control of your actions and words. As much as the whining may be driving us a little batty, we are still in control of our own actions. We get to choose how we act or react.

Remeber compassion. At the end of the day, think about the relationship you have with your kids. Every parent/child relationship is just taht – a relationship. remember to have compassion, both for your children and for yourself.

photo credit: polywen via photopin cc

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APBC - Authentic ParentingVisit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month’s Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, when we discuss self-love!

 

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

 

Do you have blog posts about peaceful parenting or are you looking for some tips? This month, Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children are hosting an Authentic Parenting: Peaceful Parenting Applied link up! Check it out and help build a resource for parents striving to parent more peacefully.

Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival April Call for Submissions: Peaceful Parenting Applied

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APBC - Authentic Parenting
Welcome to the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children and Laura at Authentic Parenting. We hope that you will join us on the last Friday of each month as we share posts about simple living in our lives. Submission deadline will be the Friday before last.

Peaceful Parenting Applied

This month, we would like to focus on practical solutions for maintaining the peace. Many parents struggle with implementing positive parenting theories in real life, so we want to hear from you about tactics, tips & tricks and solutions. Gentle parenting is not just a theory, and we want to prove that to our readers.

Submission date: April 20th

Carnival date: April 27nd

How to join in?

To submit an article to the blog carnival, please e-mail your submission to mandy{at}livingpeacefullywithchildren{dot}com and mamapoekie{at}yahoo{dot}com, and fill out the webform by April 20. Please write a new, unpublished piece for the carnival. We will e-mail you with instructions before the carnival date. We ask that you publish your post on April 27.

Please do:

  • Use your creativity
  • Write an original, previously unpublished post on the given topic
  • Be respectful
  • Spell check your post

Do Not

Use excessive profanity or promote violence against others

As the co-hosts of the carnival are advocates of peaceful living and gentle parenting, we ask that you not post about non-gentle practices or violence toward others. While we will not be editing your articles, we do reserve the right to not add your post to the carnival if it is not on topic, is poorly written, or goes against the guidelines which have been set forth.

Why Participate?

Blog carnivals are a great way to generate blog traffic and build a supportive community. Your blog will receive links from many other blogs and you and your readers will have the opportunity to discover other blogs with similar goals in mind. Please join us as we embrace Authentic Parenting! We hope you will consider joining us every month as we discuss ways to live and parent authentically.

Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival March Call for Submissions: Self-Expression and Conformity

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APBC - Authentic Parenting
Welcome to the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children and Laura at Authentic Parenting. We hope that you will join us on the last Friday of each month as we share posts about simple living in our lives. Submission deadline will be the Friday before last.

Self Expression and Conformity

Kids like to test the margins of where they can go, wether with their behavior or their looks, but where do you draws the line. Is there behavior you don’t tolerate or image alteration you would prohibit? How far do we go to conform and do we take our children along with us? Is the image we portray important, or can we just skip the boundaries all together. We would love to hear your input.

Submission date: March 22nd

Carnival date: March 29th

How to join in?

To submit an article to the blog carnival, please e-mail your submission to mandy{at}livingpeacefullywithchildren{dot}com and mamapoekie{at}yahoo{dot}com, and fill out the webform by March 22nd. Please write a new, unpublished piece for the carnival. We will e-mail you with instructions before the carnival date. We ask that you publish your post on March 29th.

Please do:

  • Use your creativity
  • Write an original, previously unpublished post on the given topic
  • Be respectful
  • Spell check your post

Do Not

Use excessive profanity or promote violence against others

As the co-hosts of the carnival are advocates of peaceful living and gentle parenting, we ask that you not post about non-gentle practices or violence toward others. While we will not be editing your articles, we do reserve the right to not add your post to the carnival if it is not on topic, is poorly written, or goes against the guidelines which have been set forth.

Why Participate?

Blog carnivals are a great way to generate blog traffic and build a supportive community. Your blog will receive links from many other blogs and you and your readers will have the opportunity to discover other blogs with similar goals in mind. Please join us as we embrace Authentic Parenting! We hope you will consider joining us every month as we discuss ways to live and parent authentically.

 

Authenticity through Consensual Living

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Welcome to the January 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Authenticity

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about authenticity through character, emotions, and establishing authentic communication with their children. We hope you enjoy this month’s posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Honesty.

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Father and child

Photo by David Blumenkrantz

I once had a parent tell me that the reason she didn’t like consensual living was because she felt that thinking about your response in a situation rather than saying the first thing that popped into your head was “fake parenting.” In her view, contemplating the situation and one’s words was unnatural. It’s a popular belief in our society. Most anywhere you can go where there are parents and children, you’ll hear parents saying catch phrases to their children, threatening kids, or jumping to conclusions about their children’s motives. While these actions may be automatic for them, these are all examples of reactions rather than authentic interactions.

We’ve all had experiences during our lifetimes, and those experiences shape our lives. It’s an inevitable fact of life. However, the extent to which those events shape our lives is up to us. Reacting relies not on conscious thought but on unconscious scripts. If you have ever heard yourself say a phrase which reminded you of your mother or father, you know exactly of what I am speaking. In order to authentically communicate with our children, we need to be willing to push past those automatic responses.

When we react, we allow outside influences to control ourselves. When we react to others, we shut down further explorations of the situation, open communication, and mutual understanding. It is only when we open ourselves to examining our beliefs, words, and interactions that we find ourselves pushing past the hurt and anger of reactionary living in order to live authentically. It is through thoughtful interactions that we allow ourselves to live fully in the moment, to grow as individuals, and to open ourselves to honest relationships with others.

 

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APBC - Authentic ParentingVisit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month’s Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!

 

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 25 with all the carnival links.)

Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival January Call for Submissions: Authenticity

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APBC - Authentic Parenting After a month off for the holidays, the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival is back with renewed energy!

We hope you enjoyed last year’s carnival topics. We have some new and exciting topics for 2013.

APBC goes live on the Last Friday of every month and submissions are due on the previous Friday. For January 2013, the deadline to submit a piece is January 18 with all posts going live January 25.

If you’ve followed the carnival closely, you’ll notice that Living Peacefully with Children has recently teemed up with Authentic Parenting for the blog carnival. We hope to make the carnival a hit this year!

This month’s topic is “Authenticity”. Even though the name of the carnival is Authentic Parenting, we’ve never explored what authenticity means to our writers. For this carnival, let’s try to define authenticity and find out how it finds a place in our home, our parenting and our way to interact with the world.

Feel inspired? 

Email your submission to mamapoekie{at}yahoo{dot}com and mandy{at}livingpeacefullywithchildren{dot}com no later than 11PM GMT on the day of the deadline and be certain to fill out the form. We will get back to you with a piece of code to add to the top and bottom of your post prior to the posting date.

 

Why participate?
Carnivals are a fun way to generate traffic to your blog and create community. You’ll be linked to from many sites and get to discover blogs you didn’t know before. For each edition of the carnival, we will create new commenting groups, so you’ll be able to visit and receive visits from lots of different people. Carnivals also give you a chance to think about a predetermined topic, which can smooth off an occasional writer’s block.

Get a sneak preview from the other topics by checking out the Carnival page. We hope you will consider adding the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival to your monthly blogging schedule.