It was one of those idealistic parenting moments. I was in the kitchen washing dishes, and all four of my children were happily playing together in the living room. The game of the moment was a pirate one, and there were plenty of giggles amidst the "Arghs." In one of my glances, I saw my eight... Continue Reading →
There is a difference between wanting to know the limits of another person's acceptance and of having another person set a limit on one's self. The difference is where the power lies. If we enforce our own limits, we exhibit self-control and encourage and enable our children to do the same. When we attempt to limit another person, we are attempting... Continue Reading →
A coworker was relegating to my husband at work about an incident he had experienced with his teenage daughter the night before. He had been yelling at her for something when she said something he felt was in a disrepectful tone - backtalk, at which point he slapped her across the face hard. I can... Continue Reading →
Everyone tends to get frustrated at times. Our family is no exception. Whenever that happens, we remind each other, regardless of age, to take a deep breath. Taking a deep breath helps to calm us. The physical act of deeply filling one's lungs and exhaling reduces stress. When stressed, we breathe in short, shallow breaths; deep... Continue Reading →
Everyone likes to feel that they have a purpose in life. Generally speaking, people want to be helpful, needed, and a contributing member of society (or a family). Sometimes knowing how to go about that is difficult. It can be even more so when you are small and have seemingly little to offer. When this need... Continue Reading →
Cooperation has long been a survival skill. Tribal communities have utilized cooperation in order to meet everyone's needs for millenia. With the advent of nuclear families, the focus on such cooperation took a back seat. Once again, with the increasingly interconnectedness of our society, it is once again becoming readily apparent that cooperation, along with communication,... Continue Reading →
Children's coping mechanisms to deal with parental power: Resistance, defiance, rebellion, and negativity. People will fight back when their freedom is threatened. Resentment, anger, and hostility. People want to be in control of themself. When others hold power over them, they feel resentful. Aggression, retaliation, and striking back. Parental domination via authority leads to frustration.... Continue Reading →
The no-lose method of conflict resolution allows parents to discover what is really going on with the child. When you use your power to enforce your own solutions, you don't unveil the true underlying feelings and needs. In order to deal with an issue, you have to know what the real problem is first. Once you have... Continue Reading →
The other win/lose method of conflict resolution involves the child winning while the parent loses, as seen in permissive parenting. In an effort not to be authoritarian, the parent does not enforce his/her own personal boundaries or talk to the child about behavior. These children are often wild, uncontrolled (self-control), and impulsive. Lacking the opportunity to think... Continue Reading →
I often hear parents giving the sage advice that in order to be effective, you must be consistent. When speaking about behavioral training, this is true. Clinical studies show that inconsistency causes anxiety, and in more extreme cases, neurosis. Parents who choose to use behavioral training with their children, also referred to as punishments... Continue Reading →
living peacefully with children 