It was one of those idealistic parenting moments. I was in the kitchen washing dishes, and all four of my children were happily playing together in the living room. The game of the moment was a pirate one, and there were plenty of giggles amidst the "Arghs." In one of my glances, I saw my eight... Continue Reading →
Though conflict, we learn to establish healthy boundaries between ourselves and other people. Conflict provides an opportunity for growth and learning. This is true not only for children, but also for ourselves.
The word should is very negative. Its conditional nature breeds guilt and shame. Used about another person, it implies blame. Things we should have done are in the past and can't be changed. Things we should do in the future serve to set up guilt if we don't get them done. Acting how we should limits authenticity.... Continue Reading →
Everyone tends to get frustrated at times. Our family is no exception. Whenever that happens, we remind each other, regardless of age, to take a deep breath. Taking a deep breath helps to calm us. The physical act of deeply filling one's lungs and exhaling reduces stress. When stressed, we breathe in short, shallow breaths; deep... Continue Reading →
Cooperation has long been a survival skill. Tribal communities have utilized cooperation in order to meet everyone's needs for millenia. With the advent of nuclear families, the focus on such cooperation took a back seat. Once again, with the increasingly interconnectedness of our society, it is once again becoming readily apparent that cooperation, along with communication,... Continue Reading →
My in-laws were visiting us one time, long before we had children. We had gone out to eat and as we sat there in the restaurant, they began to lecture. "You can't be your child's friend. You have to be the parent. Parents will always be parents." The irony of what they said as they... Continue Reading →
Don't be so intent on finding fault or placing blame. Energy would be much better spent finding a solution.
The no-lose method of conflict resolution allows everyone to work together in order to find mutually agreed upon solutions which work for everyone. First, you must set the stage for how the no-lose method will work: Begin by telling your child clearly and concisely that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Make... Continue Reading →
There are three methods of conflict resolution. The first method, and the one employed by most parents, involves the parent winning the conflict while the child loses. Relationships are symbiotic. When one half loses, the entire relationship loses. Parents may have won the fight, but they are losing in both the short and long-term. When... Continue Reading →
Conflict is a matter of life. However, conflict is not by definition negative. Conflict can be a catalyst for much needed change. It can bring about learning. It can bring us closer together. Conflict, in and of itself, is unavoidable. How we handle conflict is what matters.
living peacefully with children 