There are three methods of conflict resolution. The first method, and the one employed by most parents, involves the parent winning the conflict while the child loses.
Relationships are symbiotic. When one half loses, the entire relationship loses. Parents may have won the fight, but they are losing in both the short and long-term.
When a person has no choice or voice in a matter, resentment builds. It’s difficult to have empathy and understanding for someone who continually uses their age or strength to bully you into doing something. While these feelings may build over a period of time, damaging the relationship in the long-term, other effects will be readily visible right away.
When a person is not involved in the process of conflict resolution, they have little motivation in following through with the decided plan. This makes enforcement of the plan rather difficult. Parents who employ the I win, you lose method are likely to find themselves spending a lot of time trying to get their children to do what they want in the form of reminders, threats, punishments, or rewards. Cooperation is not fostered by forcing someone into compliance. Parents ultimately make life harder on themselves by making life full of battles.
living peacefully with children 
First- Ive been reading your blog daily for a bit now, and I’m really enjoying reading what you have to say.
Second- What is it with this “win-lose” train of thought we have? We all have power within us, Just because someone else has power, doesn’t automatically mean you lose yours. When we use conflict resolution, empathy, listening to both sides, thoughtfulness, cooperation and so on, I think conflicts can be resolved where neither child nor parent loses their power. And I mean power not in a dictator way, I mean the power of saying what we need and want, and making decisions for ourselves, which I believe children deserve.
There is this movie, Matilda,I watched as a child, twice in the movie an adult tells the little girl ” I’m right, your wrong, I’m big, your small, I’m smart, your dumb, and there is nothing you can do about it!”…..it gives me chills, even if it is fiction. The horror to think a real parent would say that, perhaps not in as many words, to a child is frighting.
Anyhoo, just trying to say in a lengthy way……I like you post today.
It’s crazy how many aspects of life are infused with violent, seperatist and antagonistic language. You hit the nail o the head here, great read.
SUnday Surfing it