I'm happy to share a guest post with you today. Kassandra Brown of Parent Coaching speaks of how conflict can be an opportunity. In addition to sharing her thoughts here concerning how we can turn conflict into a way to both connect and better understand our children and ourselves, Kassandra has a special coaching offer... Continue Reading →
Conflict is a course of life, occurring whenever two parties have different agendas or different perceived agendas. What matters is not the conflict itself but how that conflict is resolved. Parents don't have to resort to win-lose methods with either the parent or child winning while the other loses. When parents work together with their children,... Continue Reading →
It was one of those idealistic parenting moments. I was in the kitchen washing dishes, and all four of my children were happily playing together in the living room. The game of the moment was a pirate one, and there were plenty of giggles amidst the "Arghs." In one of my glances, I saw my eight... Continue Reading →
Though conflict, we learn to establish healthy boundaries between ourselves and other people. Conflict provides an opportunity for growth and learning. This is true not only for children, but also for ourselves.
Children's coping mechanisms to deal with parental power: Resistance, defiance, rebellion, and negativity. People will fight back when their freedom is threatened. Resentment, anger, and hostility. People want to be in control of themself. When others hold power over them, they feel resentful. Aggression, retaliation, and striking back. Parental domination via authority leads to frustration.... Continue Reading →
The no-lose method of conflict resolution allows everyone to work together in order to find mutually agreed upon solutions which work for everyone. First, you must set the stage for how the no-lose method will work: Begin by telling your child clearly and concisely that there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Make... Continue Reading →
The no-lose method of conflict resolution allows parents to discover what is really going on with the child. When you use your power to enforce your own solutions, you don't unveil the true underlying feelings and needs. In order to deal with an issue, you have to know what the real problem is first. Once you have... Continue Reading →
The other win/lose method of conflict resolution involves the child winning while the parent loses, as seen in permissive parenting. In an effort not to be authoritarian, the parent does not enforce his/her own personal boundaries or talk to the child about behavior. These children are often wild, uncontrolled (self-control), and impulsive. Lacking the opportunity to think... Continue Reading →
There are three methods of conflict resolution. The first method, and the one employed by most parents, involves the parent winning the conflict while the child loses. Relationships are symbiotic. When one half loses, the entire relationship loses. Parents may have won the fight, but they are losing in both the short and long-term. When... Continue Reading →
Conflict is a matter of life. However, conflict is not by definition negative. Conflict can be a catalyst for much needed change. It can bring about learning. It can bring us closer together. Conflict, in and of itself, is unavoidable. How we handle conflict is what matters.