Many consensually living families extend the freedom to make decisions to religious beliefs. Those families living with alternative religious or spiritual beliefs, or those who choose to let their children make decisions regarding their own beliefs, often find themselves at odds with the society around them, especially in more conservative areas. I had heard many... Continue Reading →
get real…
I often hear parents giving the sage advice that in order to be effective, you must be consistent. When speaking about behavioral training, this is true. Clinical studies show that inconsistency causes anxiety, and in more extreme cases, neurosis. Parents who choose to use behavioral training with their children, also referred to as punishments... Continue Reading →
let your children own their problems…
No one has all of the answers or solutions to all of the problems in the world. In order to deal with our problems, we have the necessary skills in order to solve them. Children develop problem solving skills by practicing problem solving skills, not by having someone else solve the problems for them. When... Continue Reading →
unconditional parenting…
Along the same lines of Haim Ginott's Between Parent and Child, Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting provides an updated version on the same concepts of consensual living while coining the term unconditional parenting. I've long been a fan and advocate of several of his books and his stance on parenting, although we disagree on education. I've... Continue Reading →
ask why…
A key point I've tried to stress to parents for years is that there is always a reason. There is a reason for everything that every person does. We may not easily recognize it, but it is there somewhere. When faced with a specific behavior from our children, it is important to ask, whether verbally... Continue Reading →
requirements of active listening…
Everyone has a need to be heard and understood. A great way to achieve this goal and understand the other person's point of view is through active listening. There are a few requirements in order for active listening to work: It is important to want to hear what the other person has to say and... Continue Reading →
active listening…
Active listening is a technique which allows you to put yourself in someone else's shoes, so to speak, in order to fully understand their point of view. It shows trust, acceptance, and interest in the other person and allows you to know what is really going on. With the use of active listening, we can... Continue Reading →
empathic communication…
Empathic communication helps parents relate to their children in a caring and effective manner. Begin by listening. Listening is the beginning of wisdom. We cannot effectively communicate unless we first listen to our children so that we can know their feelings, point of view, and what exactly it is that they are experiencing. In order... Continue Reading →
labeling is disabling…
Children learn what they live. When children live with criticism, they learn to condemn themselves and to find fault with others. They learn to doubt their own judgment and to disparage their own abilities in life. Individuals who are often criticized learn to distrust the intentions of others and live with a continual expectation of... Continue Reading →
raising children who think for themselves…
I was excited to find Elisa Medhus's book, Raising Children Who Think for Themselves. Some of the many results of consensual living include children who think independently, are intrinsically motivated rather than extrinsically motivated, and who are competent and caring. The title speaks to me in a society where parents tend to micromanage and control everything... Continue Reading →
living peacefully with children 