I Don’t Love My Children the Same

NPN RTD featureThis post is written as part of the Round Table Discussions with Natural Parent Network volunteers. In an effort to discuss, support, and promote a kinder, more gentle world, we are taking an in depth view of various books. Our current book is Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life by Dr. Laura Markham, author of  Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. We hope you will join us with an open mind and a desire for change and growth.


I love my children. I love them until it feels as if my heart may burst. I love them with every fiber of my being. But, I do not love them the same.

I can hear the gasps. Surely, I don’t mean that. Aren’t we supposed to treat our children the same? After all, isn’t that part of being fair? How dare I even think of admitting that I don’t love my children the same? Think about the children!

Photo by Fabio Trifoni (Flickr)
Photo by Fabio Trifoni (Flickr)

And this is why I am honest with my children. No, I don’t love them the same. My children are very intelligent. They know they are different people; they are wonderfully unique individuals. Sometimes those aspects are frustrating in the moment. Sometimes those aspects make my heart swell with pride. However, each child is his/her own person. A fantastically complex, individual person that is uniquely them.

For me to love them the same would mean that I ignore those nuances, those differences, those things which make them….them. Loving them the same would be unfair.

Do I love them equally? Yes. I love them all with every bit of who I am. I love them for who they are. I love them for themselves.

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