The no-lose method of conflict resolution allows parents to discover what is really going on with the child. When you use your power to enforce your own solutions, you don't unveil the true underlying feelings and needs. In order to deal with an issue, you have to know what the real problem is first. Once you have... Continue Reading →
conflict: parent 0, child 1 (part 3)…
The other win/lose method of conflict resolution involves the child winning while the parent loses, as seen in permissive parenting. In an effort not to be authoritarian, the parent does not enforce his/her own personal boundaries or talk to the child about behavior. These children are often wild, uncontrolled (self-control), and impulsive. Lacking the opportunity to think... Continue Reading →
conflict: parent 1, child 0 (part 2)…
There are three methods of conflict resolution. The first method, and the one employed by most parents, involves the parent winning the conflict while the child loses. Relationships are symbiotic. When one half loses, the entire relationship loses. Parents may have won the fight, but they are losing in both the short and long-term. When... Continue Reading →
conflict (part 1)…
Conflict is a matter of life. However, conflict is not by definition negative. Conflict can be a catalyst for much needed change. It can bring about learning. It can bring us closer together. Conflict, in and of itself, is unavoidable. How we handle conflict is what matters.
why we shouldn’t reason with our kids…
I completely support giving kids reasons for why we believe things and do things. My own children are quite inquisitive and want to understand the reasons for things. However, reasons (noun) are not the same as reasoning (verb). When we reason with someone, it is with the express intent to convince them that our position... Continue Reading →
compromise…
The concept of compromise sounds great on the surface. No one is getting their way. The word would almost have you believe that since neither party involved is getting exactly what they want, both parties are working together, therefore creating a win/win situation. And, that is the point at which you would be wrong. It's... Continue Reading →
keeping connected…
This post is part of the 2010 API Principles of Parenting blog carnival, a series of monthly parenting blog carnivals, hosted by API Speaks. Learn more about attachment parenting by visiting the API website. It was bedtime. I was nursing the baby to sleep while my 2 1/2 year old waited for his turn to... Continue Reading →
choose happiness…
One of my children tends to take after my husband personality-wise, with a "doom and gloom"/"life is unfair"/"woe is me"/"cup is half empty" mentality. It's a personality trait that I personally find very frustrating and one that has a tendency to cause discord in our family. I try to help my child by validating feelings, being... Continue Reading →
I hate you…
After pouring your time and love into raising your wonderful child, he turns to you and says three little words - and not the ones you love to hear. It's amazing how the words "I hate you" can cut a parent to the quik. The best advice is not to take it personally, something that's hard to... Continue Reading →
change the environment, not the child…
Sometimes children need a little help getting out of a mood or mode. We can't make another person do something, but we can help by proving an optimal environment. Sometimes a simple change to the environment is all it takes for a person's needs to be met. Ways to change a child's environment: Enrich the... Continue Reading →
living peacefully with children 