The other win/lose method of conflict resolution involves the child winning while the parent loses, as seen in permissive parenting. In an effort not to be authoritarian, the parent does not enforce his/her own personal boundaries or talk to the child about behavior. These children are often wild, uncontrolled (self-control), and impulsive. Lacking the opportunity to think... Continue Reading →
conflict: parent 1, child 0 (part 2)…
There are three methods of conflict resolution. The first method, and the one employed by most parents, involves the parent winning the conflict while the child loses. Relationships are symbiotic. When one half loses, the entire relationship loses. Parents may have won the fight, but they are losing in both the short and long-term. When... Continue Reading →
conflict (part 1)…
Conflict is a matter of life. However, conflict is not by definition negative. Conflict can be a catalyst for much needed change. It can bring about learning. It can bring us closer together. Conflict, in and of itself, is unavoidable. How we handle conflict is what matters.
you’re loveable to me…
It had been a big day. It had been a hard night. Many parents can identify with the opening pages of Kat Yeh's book, You're Lovable to Me. Long nights and sometimes longer days can often leave parents tired and cranky. However, it's important that we continue to show our children that no matter what, we love... Continue Reading →
why we shouldn’t reason with our kids…
I completely support giving kids reasons for why we believe things and do things. My own children are quite inquisitive and want to understand the reasons for things. However, reasons (noun) are not the same as reasoning (verb). When we reason with someone, it is with the express intent to convince them that our position... Continue Reading →
compromise…
The concept of compromise sounds great on the surface. No one is getting their way. The word would almost have you believe that since neither party involved is getting exactly what they want, both parties are working together, therefore creating a win/win situation. And, that is the point at which you would be wrong. It's... Continue Reading →
unconditional parenting…
Along the same lines of Haim Ginott's Between Parent and Child, Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting provides an updated version on the same concepts of consensual living while coining the term unconditional parenting. I've long been a fan and advocate of several of his books and his stance on parenting, although we disagree on education. I've... Continue Reading →
ask why…
A key point I've tried to stress to parents for years is that there is always a reason. There is a reason for everything that every person does. We may not easily recognize it, but it is there somewhere. When faced with a specific behavior from our children, it is important to ask, whether verbally... Continue Reading →
mutual respect and cooperation…
A recipe for mutual respect and cooperation: Children learn what they are living. Children who are treated with respect by their parents reciprocate that respect. Just as they are listened to, they also listen to others. When they are shown consideration, they in turn, show consideration for others. Cooperate with one another. When parents cooperate... Continue Reading →
parent effectiveness training…
Dr. Thomas Gordon, a nobel peace prize nominee, was a pioneer in effective communication skills and conflict resolution. The licensed clinical psychologist wrote several books, numerous articles, and ran effective training courses to help individuals learn to better communicate and solve conflicts between one another. Gordon Model techniques are known world-wide. Gordon revolutionalized the world... Continue Reading →
living peacefully with children 