Tearing Others Down

Photo by Mark Probst

A woman struggled with finding balance for her family, not easily fitting her desires with her reality. Posting to a group of other mothers looking for support about how to make the reality of her situation work for her, she was given many insightful responses. Inevitably though, the finger pointing began from someone.

It wasn’t finger pointing at the woman who origiially framed the question and asked for support. Instead, it was finger pointing at others whom this other person deemed to be uppity or fake. How could/dare they post about their wonderful life when she, herself, couldn’t manage everything in her world perfectly? Because her life wasn’t like that, obviously these other woman had to be lieing in their blogs, their books, their sharing…

No one is perfect and no one person can do everything, let alone everything perfectly. However, I’ve never once seen someone who claimed to be able to do just that. Personally, I’m on my own path, striving toward my beliefs and my own personal growth. I suppose someone could tear me down for writing this blog and sharing our parenting beliefs and practices, for sharing with others about my beliefs, for my goal of a peaceful life. The truth is, someone has. I’ve had my share of attacks because I live my life, or rather work hard in my attempts, the way I believe I should. I always wonder why someone who supposedly does not share my ideals would bother themself with my parenting when it has no impact on their supposed values or beliefs or cause any harm to others.

It seems to be a trait of our society to attempt to build ourselves up by tearing others down. We see it in the the so called mommy wars. The truth is, we can’t build one thing up by tearing down another. Physics will tell you that the first object won’t be any higher just because another object is lower. Destruction doesn’t result in construction.

That simple statement is important for parents to remember, as children learn this behavior from those who model it. Tearing our children down doesn’t help them to be better people. It isn’t constructive. Working together and finding amiable solutions which work for everyone allow our children to grow as people and to be the best that they can. Disparaging remarks about others does not equate encouragement.

7 thoughts on “Tearing Others Down

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  1. Just thought I’d send prayers, warm wishes and a BRICK to help build you back up. 🙂 I love that you share your family and parenting with us. I don’t understand why anyone would follow a blog which they didn’t truely love. These people are trolls, just trolling for an argument. Be strong in God and in your faith and let His light shine through, even as you defend yourself to those who try to tear you down.

    1. I thank your for your sentiments. The particular situation I was discussing wasn’t actually pointed at me or my blog, but I didn’t want to name another blog in such a manner. It seemed more prudent to use myself as an example. There are much better ways to help others than making jokes or pointing fingers at someone’s expense.

  2. I agree with you Mandy. I am always surprised by the mommy wars. On the other hand, I’ve seen so many people mature beyond that calloused way of thinking (including myself I guess) and I hope and pray that continues to happen.

  3. You chose a great photo for this post. It really SNAPPED my attention! I just get so flabbergasted when I see people get nasty on information-sharing posts. I find myself not coming to the defense because I worry about “going off” on them as well. More destruction won’t construct. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I am always impressed by the women that manage to say something positive to the nay-sayers. I very recently came upon a situation that fits here perfectly.

    I’m sorry if someone has recently tried to tear you down. It is important to (at least try to) ignore the negative and just “listen” to the supportive.

  4. What a GREAT post! I am so sorry that those ugly trolls out there have decided to target you and your personal thoughts and experiences as well as those portrayed in comments by your readers. Let them live their unhappy lives and you go on living yours and not giving them another thought! Preach on! I love your blog!

    I also think that your post is a good reminder to not worry about, waste time on, or comment on other parenting methods and styles that do not have a direct impact on our own personal lives or do not cause harm or danger to the child(ren) being parented in these styles. Mommy wars are insighted out of jealousy I have found and do not bring about any postive results (typically). They are a terrible model for our children and I refuse to fall prey. I wish that more parents were peaceful parents but I cannot waste my valuable time making destructive comments about them. My valuable time needs to be directed to being a mother to my sweet daughter and showing her how to live a positive, peaceful, non-judgemental existance.

    Thank you again for such a great post. The best one I have read all week!


  5. Hello! Found you through yarn along, though I see you were in the carnival yesterday too :). Your blog speaks to me as we are on the same path of living peacefully with our kids and unschooling. Looking forward to visiting often. 🙂
    I hear what you are saying about destruction. It’s everywhere, but when it arrives on home turf, it really hurts. This is why I feel the way we are trying to live with our kids is sooo important. People everywhere are so cynical and just feel bad inside, and I think it’s from not being able to be their authentic selves from a very young age. Anyway, nice to “meet” you!

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