let’s talk about sex…

Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about sex.

In early highschool, I had a friend who sang this refrain to me every time he called me…until the day he accidentally sang it to my mother. He was a great guy – supportive and friendly – and never anymore than just a friend. He made me laugh every time he sang the song to me. I missed his singing after that accidental serenade to my mother, but my mother and I did have a good laugh about it. She had known my friend since he was little and was very fond of him. A lot of my friends thought of my mother as a cool mom and would talk to her about things they were uncomfortable bringing up to their own parents, depsite the fact that I had the oldest mother out of all of my friends.

My mother was pretty forthright about sex, to an extent. She was definitely progressive compared with most parents I knew at the time. I was adament before we had kids that we would be open and honest with them about sex, just as we are with any other subject. We’ve always used correct terminology with our children and have answered questions as they come up at an age (and maturity) appropriate level, whether it’s about how babies are formed or what the term homosexual means. We’ve modeled a healthy view of nudity and also tried to word our answers in a manner which allows our children to know that we are always supportive of them and will continue to be. Over the past couple of weeks or so, we’ve had some more in-depth questions.

The last of our nightly rituals, after everyone has gotten ready for bed, after we’ve nursed, snuggled and read, and when everyone is securely tucked into our family bed, is generally for everyone to tell everyone else that they love each other, by name. It’s very Walden-esque, and I’m not certain how it got started. Over the last week or so, we’ve also had some sex questions at this time. At one point my 7 year old son said, “I’m not exactly certain what sex looks like. I’ve never actually seen you and Dad have sex.”

My knee jerk reaction was to say, “That’s because sex is private. You won’t ever see us have sex.” My husband confirmed this with a “Yes. Sex is very private.” However, my response has been bugging me. I can’t predict the future. As our children get older, it is very possible that they might some day accidentally walk in on us having sex. As Dr. Sears once said, “If your kids have never walked in on you having sex, you aren’t having enough sex.” If that ever happens, we will treat it matter of factly and discuss with them any thoughts or feelings they may have.

I want my children to have a healthy view of sex and their bodies and to be confident in their choices. My husband and I kiss, hug, and caress one another in front of the kids. We believe that modeling a loving relationship will help them in their future relationships. We plan to continue  answering questions in an open and honest manner. We want them to feel free to discuss anything with us. I do believe that we have reached the point where it’s time to bring some books in on the subject. I’ve requested It’s So Amazing and It’s Not the Stork from our public library. The listed reviews make it seem like these will be a good reference for our children, but I want to check them out before spending money on them.

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